It's Sunday...

Sundays are nice around here, as it is the last day I must be away from my workshop and out in the world to furnish myself with lucre.

Work is generally pretty slow on Sundays, and I'm able to watch other fans of digital entertainments go through some of my favorite diversions. Today it was Final Fantasy IX, Oracle of Ages, and Super Luigi Galaxy.

Last night I went to see Muse in concert and it was...astounding. An experience, and one I wish I could share with you, all of you, even those who will never read this. The songs were well chosen, the band was fantastic, multi-talented, and their showmanship is...something else entirely. The stage design and the flow from one set to another was astounding. I don't think I've ever experienced anything quite as powerful as the way the graphics worked with the band, the music, and the light show. I do believe they employ a wizard of great skill.

Before Muse played, we were treated to a live show by Passion Pit who, while I enjoy them, needed a different venue. I do believe they'd be much more entertaining in a small venue as the singer's voice was mangled by the acoustics of the Staples Center. The music, though, was enjoyable for the most part. My hat's off to one of their band members too; he was playing a snare/cymbal combo, a mixing deck, and a keyboard throughout the set at various times, even switching mid-song. Very impressive.

Now, I relax. I have an Exalted soiree to arrange on Tuesday and on Monday I'm being visited by a beautiful woman who seeks to be entertained by and in turn entertain my company.

For now, I shall leave you with your thoughts, dear reader.

Good faith, good learning, good night

The Magus

A Return

Aha! Hello my empty room, my deliriously empty room! Oh, how I have missed the simple act of writing upon the board here but, alas, the spells I used to update this tome were stolen from my by a vile proxy in my work place.

However, I have found a way where I might make my thoughts known once again.

So much has changed and, yet, so much stays the same.

In short, the politics of my country, the United States of America (and Her many Outlying Territories) have become confused and rampant with idiocy and derision. I daresay that there will be no good choices come the time to cast our ballots in November for anyone. Already we are seeing that the Democrats are too weak-willed and fractured to utilize their strength, the Republicans utilize fantasy, hyperbole, and outright lies to support their ruinous positions, and, like all years, the third-party candidates cannot even be heard in the din of the body politik.

In my personal life, I continue to fight loneliness. I had a brief visit from my dear lover, I had a brief and intense rekindling before the embers died with one I cared about deeply, a chance fling over the aether with another, and now I am courting a new woman who sees intelligence and seeks enlightenment in similar fashion as I do. Such is exciting but, still, my own sheets still long for more warmth. In time, I remind myself. Perhaps, though, I'll need to seek out partnership in other ways.

In my professional life, it trudges and I seek new employment. It is too far to travel, too hard to work, and too taxing to return to. Until I no longer need the filthy lucre of this earth, however, I'll need to fight the pain and suffering that is engendered in my position. I'm seeking employment with the Magic Kingdom, though, as well as the caretakers of the World of Warcraft, so wish me luck!

In my writing, ah yes, the most important part of all, I have names, I have ideas, but they have not born out in words yet. I feel it welling up inside of me, preparing, but it is not erupting yet. With nurturing growth, we should see it soon. The first glimmers of my book.

In other ventures, I am contemplating opening a restaurant/bar(/club) thing. The bar would be a Victorian fantasy, steampunk in design and execution, with quality and experience the focus rather than just alcohol. The restaurant will be a digital wonderland where the only paper allowed are paper napkins and the odd receipt. They would be served together under the auspice of "Digital Dreams", with the restaurant arranged as a view into the future, while the bar is a vacation into an alternate past.

That is all for now, dear friends.

The Magus

A Quick Aside About Politics

The Constitution isn't the Bible.

Please, those of you in America, preach this every day of your lives. The Constitution was written by a body that included Christians, Diests, Agnostics, and Athiests. It was written to be irrespective of religion, if not fully areligious. It is not immutable, it is not enshrined by the Law of Moses as a divine authority, and the United States is not, and was never intended to be, a Christian nation. Our founding fathers made this very, very clear over and over again during the formation of our nation.

Please, please remind people that the Constitution isn't the Bible. Please, please remind people that our greatest thinkers saw God as a part of the problem in England's political system and political environment. Please, please remind people that, in 1796, our Congress unanimously approved the Treaty of Tripoli (or, longer, "The Treaty of Peace and Freandship between the United States and the Bey and Subjects of Tripoli of Barbary");

"Article 11. As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries."

We're not a Christian nation. We're an independent nation of thought, reason, and logic. We were created to be the ultimate ideal of a secular host, one that draws its strength not from the powers of God, but the powers of men. One founded by the people, for the people; not founded by the grace of God for those of His "chosen faith".

The Magus

Quantum Love

Can we understand the nature of love in accordance with time?

What if we operated outside of time in how we loved? What if someone could be aware of affection they have before or after the fact?

What if one could feel the passion of their hearts from the future or their past constantly?

This is something I've been mulling over today as I consider some advances in my personal life. There's all kinds of interesting people in the world, as I am aware now, and while I'll always have the affection of the Dragonfly, my affection for the Raven is currently limited to being a supportive friend, confidant, while just leaving the option for more later. The Raven's heart is drawn toward a brighter relationship, I feel, and this is for the best. And yet, still, my passion for her is as great as it ever could be, or would be.

This, of course, isn't that strange. People continue to love others long after relationships end (and, sometimes, straight into the beginning of another). The curious part is how I've met the Rose, and how I find myself seeing that there is a chance that affection might blossom there (to excuse the pun). This isn't to say that I've fallen in love with the Rose, as we've just started talking, there are just elements here and there, things that I can see leading to that as a possibility. This is what got me thinking about the echoes of love.

Could we, theoretically, feel the echoes of love as possibility through time? Could certain aspects of our mental existence, our emotional existence, have a progression outside of linear time? Could we know love from our futures, before we've fallen in love?

In some ways, I think this is possible. I feel everything as potential, myself, rather than actualities. I live in the moment, but I plan based on possibility. When I fall in love with someone, I fall in love with who they are, deep down inside, not the person they've insisted on showing me day in and day out. I strip away the outside carefully and slowly to know them within their hearts, their minds. Sometimes, during this process I find echoes of emotions, future imprints of hate or love, and they shape how I see someone subjectively. I still find objective truths about them to be sustaining, but I'll fall in love before falling in love, or grow distrustful of someone who I feel those echoes of hate from.

It worries me at times, these feelings I get, since I seem to fall in love very quickly with someone or that I seem to have found reason to dislike them not long after meeting them. I wish I could explain my penchant for understanding human behaviour, but it's simply a trait that I have grown into since I was young.

Hopefully as my life goes on and I get further into adulthood, I'll find answers to these questions. Or, at least, comfortable assertions about who to believe...my heart and my mind or my friends and my enemies.

To your grace and enlightenment,

The Magus

The Culture Club

The clarion call of the Victorian hero has chimed across my mind, and to answer it I have started formulating a light-hearted adventure game, a pen and paper game of anime-inspired action in the glorious setting of London in the time period of Abraham Van Helsing, Sherlock Holmes, the characters of Jules Verne, and the era of Frankenstein's Monster.

The game will center around a club, a gentleman's organization, in the upper east side of London, overlooking the bridge. Known as the East London Culture Club, a Gentleman's Club for Safari, Sport, and the Preservation of Civilization and Society (or, simply, the East London Culture Club), it is host to many of the country's luminaries, and many of the powerful figures of the times. The players will be playing new inductees into the club; savvy Londoners with a knack for solving crime, dignitaries from other countries lending their time and support to defending Western Civilization, or students of the great older members, such as Sherlock Holmes, Philleas Fogg, Henry Jekyll, or Dr. Frankenstein.

Structurally, it's going to be another TV-show style game (similar to how my Vampire game started, though not where it ended up) based on Monster Of The Week style engagements. We're going to use the Big Eyes, Small Mouth system (3rd Edition), and I hope to have more details about how I'm adapting the system later this week. I'm currently rereading the core book to extract the systems I'll require.

So, another project for me as I try to sort out my writing. For now, though, if anyone out there has any suggestions for story ideas, books I should read, or good suggestions for a Victorian-Gothic setting, comment here.

To your grace and enlightenment,

The Magus

Juggling Honesty and Modesty

I have a terrible problem, and have for a long time. I feel the need to be modest, to be forthright, and to deal honestly and rationally with the world around me. At the same time, however, I was gifted with an intellect that allows me to, at most times, see things many of my peers cannot. This is something that I know many geeks and nerds share, but it's of peculiar and particular interest to me due to my want to be modest.

There are many times in my life I've wished I were "normal." This isn't because I dread my capabilities, it's due to the ostracizing, the avoidance, of my peers. It's also due to the fact that the particular way I analyze information makes me sound, and sometimes seem, arrogant even though this is the only way I know how to be. I feel that too often in our culture, we mistake persistence or analytical understanding as arrogance. Is it arrogant to postulate that a man with long legs runs faster than a man with short legs? I don't think so, personally, but it leads me to these situations; where I know I analyze information faster, more effectively, or even just more accurately, is it not the right thing to do to acknowledge that fact? And is it not the modest thing to do to try to incorporate one's own expertise with one's peers?

So, in the end, I struggle with the competing interests of being honest about my abilities and being modest around my peers. To magnify the problem, I can't act normal. It's almost impossible for me to 'fake it', as it were, not only because of my preference for honesty but I'm just terrible and pretending I know the rules to being social. I've learned them the hard way...by failing several times. This has cost me numerous relationships, both platonic and romantic, as I've tried to understand things and end up damaging the communicative bond between me and the other person. Gradually, though, I've gotten better, in no small part thanks to the Dragonfly and the Raven (and, to a lesser extent, the Jester and the Gentleman).

For now, I struggle to figure out how to properly interact with people while looking for someone to spend time with in my area. Romance, especially for the polyamorous in Orange County, is a difficult nut to crack.

Good luck in your own searches for lasting love,

To your grace and enlightenment,

The Magus.

A Harvest Tale

Recently, the Dragonfly got me hooked on playing one of my old favorites again, and I discovered an issue with the game that I hadn't though of before. An issue that perplexes me and drives me to question the situation and subculture with which I align myself.

I believe that the institution created by the Harvest Moon games creates a reward structure that is untenable in thought and in practice. It encourages an idea that isn't realistic at all, in any way, and it supports a belief in something that is obviously factually inaccurate.

The problems I have stem primarily from the relationship sub-game; the best ways to raise a relationship level with someone that you are interested in is shoving gifts down their throat. This is true of every Harvest Moon game since the first. On top of that, one cannot simply talk to the individual nor their parents or acquaintances to discover which gifts are most effective.

Now, many of you may be thinking that this sounds just like relationships in real life (shove gifts down their throat, try to figure out what they like primarily through hope and intuition), but there's one other component that is what bothers me...they will always, without fail, accept the gifts and talk to you, even if they don't know you at all.

This bothers me, as a gamer and as a nerd, due to the fact that it supports an idea that those of us who lack social skills can still try to participate in the mating ritual. Unfortunately, life has taught those of my kind through rigorous training that, by our early 20's, we're unwanted by the world at large. This creates dangerous predicaments within the psyche of the afflicted. On one hand, there is the nerd who is attractive or interesting that is convinced that no one could ever love them or have affection for them at all. On the other hand are those that can play the depressed and loveless nerd as a ploy to trap depressed and loveless nerds of either gender. Both of these are unhealthy situations for the species, let alone those who interact within the structures themselves (and this isn't even getting into other self-esteem issues, such as attractive members of the culture who believe they are unattractive, or disparity in body-type standards [personally, I prefer women who are shapely, hourglass figures, and breasts that are no more than a heaping handful...too large gets ungainly, from experience. Men, waif-like, thin, and submissive.] -- these concerns are for a later rant, rather than just an examination of a systemic situation).

In short, I cannot go out to a General Social Meeting Environment (such as a bar, sports gathering, etc) and meet people. I come from a subculture that is discouraged from general interaction, even though the look of geeks and nerds is "in" right now. Part of the 'magic', it seems, is to be discovered by an attractive, intelligent, and understanding member of the In Crowd. When gathering with others of my subculture, one quickly becomes aware of the size of the culture. When I'm examining potential mates, there still is the general list of ideals that we have to be close on, if not matching; polyamory, sexuality, kink and BDSM, escapism, movies and/or music, books and fantasy (not the sub-genre, this includes Science Fiction), sexual drive, opinions on marriage and children, and a willingness to communicate as fully as possible right from the beginning. It turns out that these people, the men and women I'd be attracted to in these situations, are usually already taken or are not interested in myself (mostly due to my lack of fiscal or authoritative accomplishment). Clearly I cannot just give everyone turnips and wild grass until they love me.

How do we really do it? Well, I fumble around on forums or websites like the amazing OKCupid [OKC] and try to find people who are similar to me, interested in someone like me, and send them a message. This doesn't always work, much to my chagrin, as generally I don't get messaged back.

Perhaps in the future I can expand from where I am now, but I do have the Dragonfly, and occasionally the Raven alights on my life and lets me enjoy her beauty for a while. While I sometimes wish there were another warm body to help warm the Workshop with, I find more frustration in that there is no rational way to look for a partner or lover more than the actual lack of such in my immediate vicinity.

In time, though, I'm sure love will find us all. It is quite the dastardly hunter.

To your grace and enlightenment,

The Magus