Recently, the Dragonfly got me hooked on playing one of my old favorites again, and I discovered an issue with the game that I hadn't though of before. An issue that perplexes me and drives me to question the situation and subculture with which I align myself.
I believe that the institution created by the Harvest Moon games creates a reward structure that is untenable in thought and in practice. It encourages an idea that isn't realistic at all, in any way, and it supports a belief in something that is obviously factually inaccurate.
The problems I have stem primarily from the relationship sub-game; the best ways to raise a relationship level with someone that you are interested in is shoving gifts down their throat. This is true of every Harvest Moon game since the first. On top of that, one cannot simply talk to the individual nor their parents or acquaintances to discover which gifts are most effective.
Now, many of you may be thinking that this sounds just like relationships in real life (shove gifts down their throat, try to figure out what they like primarily through hope and intuition), but there's one other component that is what bothers me...they will always, without fail, accept the gifts and talk to you, even if they don't know you at all.
This bothers me, as a gamer and as a nerd, due to the fact that it supports an idea that those of us who lack social skills can still try to participate in the mating ritual. Unfortunately, life has taught those of my kind through rigorous training that, by our early 20's, we're unwanted by the world at large. This creates dangerous predicaments within the psyche of the afflicted. On one hand, there is the nerd who is attractive or interesting that is convinced that no one could ever love them or have affection for them at all. On the other hand are those that can play the depressed and loveless nerd as a ploy to trap depressed and loveless nerds of either gender. Both of these are unhealthy situations for the species, let alone those who interact within the structures themselves (and this isn't even getting into other self-esteem issues, such as attractive members of the culture who believe they are unattractive, or disparity in body-type standards [personally, I prefer women who are shapely, hourglass figures, and breasts that are no more than a heaping handful...too large gets ungainly, from experience. Men, waif-like, thin, and submissive.] -- these concerns are for a later rant, rather than just an examination of a systemic situation).
In short, I cannot go out to a General Social Meeting Environment (such as a bar, sports gathering, etc) and meet people. I come from a subculture that is discouraged from general interaction, even though the look of geeks and nerds is "in" right now. Part of the 'magic', it seems, is to be discovered by an attractive, intelligent, and understanding member of the In Crowd. When gathering with others of my subculture, one quickly becomes aware of the size of the culture. When I'm examining potential mates, there still is the general list of ideals that we have to be close on, if not matching; polyamory, sexuality, kink and BDSM, escapism, movies and/or music, books and fantasy (not the sub-genre, this includes Science Fiction), sexual drive, opinions on marriage and children, and a willingness to communicate as fully as possible right from the beginning. It turns out that these people, the men and women I'd be attracted to in these situations, are usually already taken or are not interested in myself (mostly due to my lack of fiscal or authoritative accomplishment). Clearly I cannot just give everyone turnips and wild grass until they love me.
How do we really do it? Well, I fumble around on forums or websites like the amazing OKCupid [OKC] and try to find people who are similar to me, interested in someone like me, and send them a message. This doesn't always work, much to my chagrin, as generally I don't get messaged back.
Perhaps in the future I can expand from where I am now, but I do have the Dragonfly, and occasionally the Raven alights on my life and lets me enjoy her beauty for a while. While I sometimes wish there were another warm body to help warm the Workshop with, I find more frustration in that there is no rational way to look for a partner or lover more than the actual lack of such in my immediate vicinity.
In time, though, I'm sure love will find us all. It is quite the dastardly hunter.
To your grace and enlightenment,
The Magus
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