Juggling Honesty and Modesty

I have a terrible problem, and have for a long time. I feel the need to be modest, to be forthright, and to deal honestly and rationally with the world around me. At the same time, however, I was gifted with an intellect that allows me to, at most times, see things many of my peers cannot. This is something that I know many geeks and nerds share, but it's of peculiar and particular interest to me due to my want to be modest.

There are many times in my life I've wished I were "normal." This isn't because I dread my capabilities, it's due to the ostracizing, the avoidance, of my peers. It's also due to the fact that the particular way I analyze information makes me sound, and sometimes seem, arrogant even though this is the only way I know how to be. I feel that too often in our culture, we mistake persistence or analytical understanding as arrogance. Is it arrogant to postulate that a man with long legs runs faster than a man with short legs? I don't think so, personally, but it leads me to these situations; where I know I analyze information faster, more effectively, or even just more accurately, is it not the right thing to do to acknowledge that fact? And is it not the modest thing to do to try to incorporate one's own expertise with one's peers?

So, in the end, I struggle with the competing interests of being honest about my abilities and being modest around my peers. To magnify the problem, I can't act normal. It's almost impossible for me to 'fake it', as it were, not only because of my preference for honesty but I'm just terrible and pretending I know the rules to being social. I've learned them the hard way...by failing several times. This has cost me numerous relationships, both platonic and romantic, as I've tried to understand things and end up damaging the communicative bond between me and the other person. Gradually, though, I've gotten better, in no small part thanks to the Dragonfly and the Raven (and, to a lesser extent, the Jester and the Gentleman).

For now, I struggle to figure out how to properly interact with people while looking for someone to spend time with in my area. Romance, especially for the polyamorous in Orange County, is a difficult nut to crack.

Good luck in your own searches for lasting love,

To your grace and enlightenment,

The Magus.